New Mews: A Parody
by Devilish Aisha
Summary: AKA New Mews gone bad. Meet three classic, funny, BAD examples of New Mews. Rated K  for mild censored language and mild infrequent violence.


**Hi ya'll. I had to completely reset my computer do to several bugs, deleting ALL my files. So Mew Mew Idol isn't going to be updated for a while.**

**Here is a short story made of my boredom. Enjoy!  
**

**Disclaimer: I own no Tokyo Mew Mew. The plot, canon characters, and Café Mew Mew belong to Mia Ikumi and Reiko Yoshida. I own the OCs/Mary Sues**

**This story is not intended to offend. Merely to parody.  


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New Mew Alert:

All seemed quiet in Tokyo. The birds chirping, most children in school, and all was well. Then…

ZIPPP.

A green and purple portal opened up. Coincidentally, it opened right outside Café Mew Mew. What was even more coincidental, the same red light that zapped the Mews into their powerful selves zapped the pretty girl who fell out of the portal almost instantaneously.

"Oh dear! What has happened?" the pretty blonde girl wondered.

The doors of the Café opened, and Ryou and Keiichiro came. Ryou ran to her side immediately.

"What is your name, pretty thing?" Ryou asked.

"My name Peach," She said.

"Well Peach. You are now Mew Peach! Transform already!"

"MEW MEW PEACH! METAMORPHOSIS!"

Cat ears popped from the top of her head. Her body was wrapped into an outfit just like Pudding's except it was pink and it had a frilly skirt. Boots like Zakuro's appeared on her feet.

"With the power of the Fruit Bowl, I will punish you*!" she exclaimed, flinging back her perfect hair.

"Good job! Now defeat Kish, who happens to be flying past!" Keiichiro commanded.

"Ribbon, PEACH POWER!" Peach summoned her square pink weapon and zapped the alien.

"You did it! Now come inside," Ryou said…

* * *

The Second Wave:

The plane landed, and Ume** sat in her seat. Her parents both died in a mysterious accident, and she moved to Tokyo to live by herself, despite being underage, since her grandparents were also dead. Her aunts and uncles don't seem matter, so we will be ignoring them.

After about an hour of walking, and nobody willing to rent her a room, she fell asleep outside Café Mew Mew.

Once again, the red light shot through the air. Ume got knocked over, and nearly died.

Then, the perverted, hot alien Kish flew by. After surviving Mew Peach's Peach Power, he discovered the fainted Ume.

"By heck is she cute. I'm taking her back to my evil lair!"

At the Alien's "lair"

"GET THAT THING OUT OF HERE!" Tart and Pie yelled at Kish.

"Fine then. I'll drop her back where I found her!" he responded, disappointed.

Ume was still unconscious when Kish dropped her back. Despite 2 and a half hours of being unconscious of course, but what the heck. He teleported away.

Ichigo opened the back door. It was 8:00 pm and her parents would be wondering where she was. She saw Ume's unconscious body.

"RYOOOUUU! KEICHIIIIROOOO! THERE'S A HOBO OUTSIDE THE CAFÉ!" her loud, obnoxious voice called out.

Ryou and Keiichiro ran to her assistance.

"Oh Ryou, help meeeeee!" Ichigo tried to flirt with Ryou, unsuccessfully.

"She must be another new Mew! There must be a bug in the system! Ichigo, use Strawberry Bell to remove her power!"

"NOOOOOOO!"

They all turned. Kish teleported back, and set himself before Ume, who was still unconscious.

"I thought Mew Peach killed you hours ago, Kish." Keiichiro remarked.

"The power of love brings me forth, and I will never die! I loved her the moment I laid my eyes on her!" he proclaimed, flinging out his chest"

"You've never even talked to her! She's been unconscious the whole time!" Ichigo screamed. "And I love you even more!"

"Hey guys? Where am I…" Ume woke with a start.

* * *

The Third Mew

Rachel was a perfectly normal girl. Except…

She was the national wrestling champion in Japan. She was so strong and tough, even the tough boys at school shuddered at the sight of her.

She went to do errands (and wrestle boys) and caught sight of Café Mew Mew.

"What a gay café! All pink and fluffy! I'm going to bash it up!" her voice was deeper than the average girl's, and she went to kick the café door.

WHAM.

Her foot went through the door, and she ripped it open.

"WHAT A SISSY CAFÉ! I'M GONNA RIP IT TO SHREDS!" she hollered, and picked up Pudding.

"Goodbye cruel world na no da!" Pudding exclaimed, while Rachel's grip tightened around her.

Then the infamous laser came again. BAM.

"We really need to fix that, don't we, Keiichiro?" Ryou stated. Obviously.

Rachel transformed into a red frilly dress that looked like Ringo's and a ribbon like Berry's but with a flower.

"WTF IS THIS CRAP!" She screamed, and tried to pound the weaker Mews.

* * *

There's no stopping them:

Suddenly a whole horde of Mews came through the door.

"HOW THE HECK ARE THERE SO MANY!" Keiichiro exclaimed, loosing all sense.

"WHERE'S MY AOYAMA-KUN!" one of the Mews screamed.

The brutal sound of a gun firing filled the air. The mew laid dead on the ground, blood dripping to a steady beat, as the heart that once gave heart beats once did.

A girl with square glasses wearing a blue skirt and blue shirt came forward, and the Mews parted side to side. The girl looked about 17, and had a serious look on her face.

"Huh. So this is how they turned out. I'm disappointed." She murmured, kicking the dead Mew's body.

"Who are you? And why did you kill that girl?" Zakuro inquired.

The teen shook her head, and stared at her in disgust.

"I am the Authoress, and I control this world. I have full right to kill her. And to delete this story altogether." Her voice monotone, with no empathy for the dead.

"Prove your powers, Authoress!" Ryou challenged.

Mew Ume fell to the ground. This time, she was really dead.

"Look, look at this! I can make characters randomly appear!" The Authoress got excited, and Kish teleported out of nowhere.

"Watch him stab himself!" she burst into laughter, going off the deep end. As she said, he pulled out his swords and died.

"Anyway, I have Naruto fanfictions to update. Bye, this story was a failure. I'm gonna delete it." The Authoress left, with the reject Mews behind.

"NOOOO! DARN THAT MAINSTREAM NINJA!" Ichigo shrieked.

A few clicks and "Delete stories" later.

* * *

Naruto: Welcome to Naruto Truth or Dare! Co-hosting with me, the one and only, Sakura Haruno!

Sakura: Hi! Today we're having a couple of guest stars!

Naruto: Yeah! Believe it!

Sakura: Shut up Naruto! Today we're having Mew Ichigo from Tokyo Mew Mew!

Ichigo: I'm alive! Anyway, a certain authoress is going to PAY.

Sakura: Errrrr, lovely!

Inner Sakura***: SHUT UP!

Authoress: I hear you're complaining about me mistreating you. I brought you back to life didn't I? Shooting time! *holds up gun*

Ichigo: Oh crap! Me and my stupid, stupid mouth!

The End?

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**That's about it!  
I put a few notes in:**

***= That whole line was a parody of Sailor Moon's "With the power of the moon, I will punish you!"**

****=Ume means Plum. Sticking with fruits, eh?**

*****= Inner Sakura is Sakura's "Alter-ego" if looked at it in that way. Her brutal "Inner" thinking.**

**Before I get reviews complaining about how I used their New Mew names (sorry if I did, it was an accident) or how I offended them, please read this A.N.**

**Many authors create New Mews that are simply boring.**

**Direct weak and frail copies of Mews, like Mew Ume,**

**Trying to make "Tough" not soft Mews that have become quite popular that they're not original anymore. Rachel was an example.**

**Plain old Mary Sues, like Mew Peach. Yes, I designed her off Princess Peach in Mario.**

**The "Moved into town" thing is also so common. It's rare for an author to pull one off well. The story was written in the format of many new author's new mew stories.**

**Noticed in Mew Ume's story how Ichigo was such a bi***? Example of people trying to put Mews onto Ryou or Kish. Badly. Like Ryou was trying to flirt with Mew Peach.**

**The Authoress at the end is like when many author/esses go over their writing after a long time and discover their flaws.**

**This isn't saying all New Mew stories are bad, I've seen many OCs with wonderful stories, beautiful description, and even paired up with canon characters reasonably.**

**Thanks for reading. **


End file.
